Sunday, July 15, 2007

I'm focused, man

So I had a "tough love" session with a friend of mine.

I was on the "wrong end" of the session, but it couldn't have come at a better time. It's funny how God works, and I swear He was speaking to me. I've never felt words pierce my heart and spirit they way that they did when I was told that I need to do better. I need to do better.

I'm so used to hearing how I'm doing well, knowing damn well that I could be doing so.much.more. Instead, I've been holding myself back. I've known that for a while now, but it was wild to hear it from someone else in the way that I did. I almost cried.

So here I stand, in the valley of decision - not choosing between whether or not to do a particular thing per se, but rather making the choice between living MY life or continuing on a path that is laid out for me by others.

So, for the sake of my personal development and growth, I've decided that I'm getting the f outta dodge. And by dodge, I mean Los Angeles. It's been on my heart to do so for years, and after being plagued time and time again by self-imposed doubts and second-guesses, I've decided to take my friend's advice and "shut the f--k up and do it." I'm too comfortable where I am and I'll never really move forward as long as I have an "out" in the form of this house and a family to glean everything from.

Come October, you'll see me in NYC. And if I have to take a Greyhound with $20 to my name and board up with relatives on the way to make it happen, so be it. I'm tired of sitting and talking about what I want to do. I'm tired of giving myself reasons why I can't do it, why I shouldn't do it, and why it's going to be horribly cold and crowded there. Screw it.

My mind is made up. And for those that know me, that's a hard thing to come by.


Fenix said...

I randomly came across your blog and I'm glad I did. I get the same feelings some times. It's ironic how people can look at us and see our accomplishments as doing well when we see them as mediocrity. Keep living for yourself.

natural muze said...

WOW. i seriously feel like you just reached in my head and pulled out a thought. i just read this book called U-Turns...about how truly successful people usually just decide one day that they are going to do something totally different...something for THEM.

my dodge is michigan. and my destination is los angeles of all places. hilarious. or florida. or nyc. who knows...but come decembre....i'm out this piece.

good post. see how that person helping you just helped me? pay it forward huh? lol.