The Braids are GONE

I just got finished taking these things out of my head with one of my favorite people - my grandma. I missed my hair so much...and it's grown. To think how I used to abuse the hell out of it makes me sad sometimes. Who knows what it would have looked like now if I didn't revert that first time...cutting off all this goodness only to get fried, dyed and faded every other week for $80 a pop...only to come home and sleep in the most uncomfortable of positions.

That's the masochism right there. LOL.

*sigh*

I guess we'll never know.

Either way, I feel a lot better in this ridiculous heat we've been tormented with in L.A. - sorry if you live in a hotter area of the good ol' US of A, but EYE am not used to 100+ degree weather. NOT.COOL. But I guess it'll be a little better since I got the extra weight off the back of my neck.

I also got a sweet picture of my grand-ma afterward. I absolutely adore this woman. She's the business. I wish you could meet her. It would change your life....well, maybe not, but I'd get a guaranteed laugh out of it either way.


That's her...with the stunner shades on. YOU GO CARMELITA!!!! (it's her middle name, but I love calling her that!)

You know what...

I just realized that I remind myself of Lynn on Girlfriends. Not sure where to put my finger on that one, but it just popped in my head.

I don't know how to process that exactly, but ummm...yeah...

Uh...

Hmmmm...

I'll let you know how that one works out.

Progress...

I love the feeling of payoff. Even if it might not be much, when it comes to the point where you've been working and pushing and striving for so long, anything is seen as a just reward, the payoff can be rated right up there with a Big Stick on a summer day.

*Note to self: Stalk the next ice cream truck I hear*

This has been a very trying year for yours truly. For some reason, though, I'm feeling sense of calm and optimism. I really can't go anywhere but up...seriously. I don't even want to run down the laundry list of stuff that wasn't supposed to happen, but I know that because of all of it, I'll be wiser for the wear...that or maybe I'll finally accept that God has a very twisted method of communicating with me. Call it irreverent, but He needs an iPhone or that silver Blackberry or something. This trial by fire thing is not the business.

Well, whatever it is, stuff is finally starting to look up. I'm still bent on making this my best.year.ever thusfar despite my bout with extreme broke-ness, unemployment (I go to school full time...and Armani ain't paying on the days I'm not in class), and alleged malnutrition. Jury is still out on that last one...I need a couple more weeks to make weight.

There was a point somewhere in all of this...Ah, yes! I finally got a job.

*Round of applause*

Sure it isn't on the career path (paving is still in the works), but Gordon Bennett, it's a move in the right direction. Score one for me.

Celebratory cocktail: Orange Brulee - if you ever are in the position where you can order this, please do. It's wonderful. Seriously.

I'm still aiming for N.Y., y'all. Even if all my ducks aren't in a row, I'm still going to make moves as if they are. Uncle Russy would be proud.

Lamentations...

Ok, so I had NO idea that looking for gainful employment would be this hard. I mean...this SUCKS. I've heard more "we're not hiring"s in the past three days than I have in my whole life. All of this trapsing back and forth across Los Angeles County is definitely NOT the business.

They're lucky that gas has gone down.

No, I wasn't expecting something to be dropped in the palm of my hand (although that would be pretty freakin sweet at this point), but I'm in a bind right now and pounding pavement with no results is starting to take its toll on me. Funds are low and debts are high...and climbing higher still as I manage to conveniently forget every financial lession regarding responsible credit card use.

I know I'm going to make it. Losing really isn't an option at this point. But Gordon Bennett, I need some relief.

If you would like to contribute to the Help Alicia Pay Her Bills Fund, please e-mail me. Thank you and good day.

Just to Reaffirm

Go get Uncle Russy's book.

It's seriously life-changing. Then again, I guess all books like this are supposed to be. LOL.

It's speaking to me a lot - more than I can say for other fare I've read in the past. There are tons of nuggets of wisdom that he's offering that are really about overall success in life with a heavy slant toward spiritual fulfillment. Lord knows I'm ALL for that.

I think I'm going to take up yoga. Something about this book just makes me want to line up my chakras.

Randomness...It's been a while

I can't believe my life.

Well, actually I can. It's just the people and things in my life that are...interesting.

Scene #1:
What's really standing out in my mind right now is the barber who thought it better to "fix" my unkempt eyebrows by shaving half of one off. While razzing me the whole time I was in his chair. While he had a mini straight razor in hand.

I swear I felt like Mister in the Color Purple on that porch. What can you say back to someone that has a razor near your eyes, or in your face for that matter.

But to add insult to injury, he thought he did the best job he could given the dire state of my brows. RUDE!!!!

Scene #2:
I wrote this really long, and perhaps not well thought out, blog on the myspace and for some reason, it concurrently didn't post AND erased my piece. VERY UNCOOL. I had to do some mindless, violent computer game action to calm me down. I was beyond heated.

*slow breath*

Anyway, the jist was that somebody was justifying their infidelity with "slave men were bucks/breeders" rationale and I lost it. Absolutely lost it. I swear, black people and this propensity to blame personal ills on the institution that we are 400+ years removed from is ridiculous. True, it's had an effect on some things, but please don't try and pull that out your hat when trying to justify you being unfaithful to your wife, being lazy, or not trying to do better for yourself. Kizzy and Kunte don't control your life's circumstances, you do. Duh.

*Intermission*
I need to eat. My grandma is joning on me about how skinny I am. And she weighs a healthy sub-100lbs. That ish hurts.

Scene #3:
In other, happier news I have finished my two week endeavor, but have yet to put my newly acquired skills into practice. For some reason I have this thing about transitioning from school to working is hampering my efforts, but I really need to take the STFUADI attitude and move forward.

So I tell some people about this venture of mine and I'm met with entuhsiasm on one hand and "what the hell for?" on the other. I figure I'm just going to stop telling people stuff. I hAYTE being judged. Suckas.

Scene #4
And I'm dating a white guy. Always wanted to, but I can finally say that I am/have. HA! Score one for me. Mull over any commentary with the previous paragraph in mind - please and thank you.

Scene #5:
NY Update: I'm applying for jobs back on the east coast. Nothing has happened, really, but per Uncle Russy (whose book I am really liking right now), I think I'm going to start packing.

I need boxes. Damn. Why is there always something.

Golden

I actually was able to get out of the house for a change. I got up with my girls (who I rarely get to see...so sad), and we all went to the beach.



I forgot how beautiful the drive up the California coastline is. Well, subtract the traffic, and you have a pretty freakin sweet ride.


We got up to Zuma Beach in Malibu and despite having to fight brids and bees, we had a really nice time relaxing, playing in the water, and forgetting about real life. I wish I had more opportunities to do that.


Thank God for sunblock. I got a pretty nice tan today.

I think I wanna do something different with my hair. Random, I know, but I think it's about that time. I guess it's in due form, though. I usually get the bug once every couple of years. More on that as it develops.


Side note: I was reading my horoscope in Allure and it said something to the effect of "Capricorns need to make rash decisions in order to curb self doubt." Seems like my life isn't so abnormal after all.

Double side note: Is it strange that I am completely over my ex-fiance? I really am. Feels like it happened AGES ago. Damn I work fast. LOL.

Hoes are irresponsible as hell

Listen to http://www.theladiesshow.com/

It's good. Real good.


As for right now, things are going good. My car exploded this morning (no really...it did), but I got it fixed in the nick of time, praise God. Double school isn't as bad as I though it would be and I'm feeling pretty good. Sure I'm missing meals, but damn I feel productive.

2 weeks

Through the fire and through the water...Everytime I hear that I think of Chaka Kahn.

For the next two weeks, I'll be embarking on a journey that involves me going to two different schools full time and interning. Should be lovely. I'll let you know how I fare.

Pray for me.

I'm focused, man

So I had a "tough love" session with a friend of mine.

I was on the "wrong end" of the session, but it couldn't have come at a better time. It's funny how God works, and I swear He was speaking to me. I've never felt words pierce my heart and spirit they way that they did when I was told that I need to do better. I need to do better.

I'm so used to hearing how I'm doing well, knowing damn well that I could be doing so.much.more. Instead, I've been holding myself back. I've known that for a while now, but it was wild to hear it from someone else in the way that I did. I almost cried.

So here I stand, in the valley of decision - not choosing between whether or not to do a particular thing per se, but rather making the choice between living MY life or continuing on a path that is laid out for me by others.

So, for the sake of my personal development and growth, I've decided that I'm getting the f outta dodge. And by dodge, I mean Los Angeles. It's been on my heart to do so for years, and after being plagued time and time again by self-imposed doubts and second-guesses, I've decided to take my friend's advice and "shut the f--k up and do it." I'm too comfortable where I am and I'll never really move forward as long as I have an "out" in the form of this house and a family to glean everything from.

Come October, you'll see me in NYC. And if I have to take a Greyhound with $20 to my name and board up with relatives on the way to make it happen, so be it. I'm tired of sitting and talking about what I want to do. I'm tired of giving myself reasons why I can't do it, why I shouldn't do it, and why it's going to be horribly cold and crowded there. Screw it.

My mind is made up. And for those that know me, that's a hard thing to come by.